


Opening and Closing

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon Divergent, Confusion, Drunkenness, Episode: s12e19 The Future, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, Season/Series 12 Spoilers, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 08:18:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13407198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: A night of drinking results in Dean and Cas finally having sex, only for Dean to regretfully close himself off the next morning.





	Opening and Closing

**Author's Note:**

> ANGST = this entire one shot.

_Having Cas back was obviously a good thing but Dean hated that he spent weeks not knowing where he was or if he was okay. Though instead of avoiding any further conversation he decided to pop over to Cas' room, maybe have a few drinks._

 

_At least in Dean's mind that was a sure fire way to help remedy the situation._

 

_Dean used his empty hand to knock on the door. "Cas? Do you wanna talk?"_

 

_"Come in." Cas rasped loudly through the other side._

 

  
_As Dean opened the door to Cas' room he started to feel ridiculously nervous. Not even his usual nervousness that he'd sometimes get around his best friend either. He didn't look at Cas right away and instead focused on how bare his room was. Since an angel didn't need much (well Cas didn't seem to) all he had were a few items. The furniture had barely been used from the looks of it. It wasn't like he spent a whole lot of time in Cas' room and he definitely never smelled anything of his either._

 

 

_Dean sucked in a breath then held up the bottle he had in his other hand. "I know we already hashed this things, I guess, but we haven't spent any..time together since you got back._

 

  
_"No, we haven't. I'm sorry I tried to return the mix tape."_

 

  
_"Dude, you don't need to say sorry to me about that. I already told you it's a gift so keep it, listen to it, whatever."_

 

  
_"Thank you, Dean." Cas half smiled._

 

  
_Deans face remained neutral while he stared at the angel. "Uh, yeah, you're welcome. You want a drink? Normally I'd just pass out while watching some movie on my laptop but I guess I wasn't in the mood for it tonight. Heh."_

 

_"I know about your habits and yes I would like a drink."_

 

 

_"Well since I forgot to grab us some glasses we'll have to drink straight from the bottle." Dean twisted the cap off then took a mighty swig of the liquor, relishing in the warmth that was traveling down his throat and to his stomach._

 

* * *

 

 

Dean couldn't stop rubbing his eyes once he realized that Cas was still laying beside him. He definitely remembered everything that happened last night so that wasn't the problem. The problem was how freaked out he felt about it.

 

 

Just like clockwork Cas was staring at him with those bright blue eyes of his. There was a certain softness radiating from the angel. It reminded Dean of when someone got too attached after a one night stand. Which even though he didn't want to see Cas that way, it was what he was good at. Dean offered a very brief smile before shifting to the side and reaching down for his dark green briefs.

 

 

"Where are you going?" Cas asked in a soft almost saddened tone.

 

  
  
A tinge of nervousness was coming over Dean and he was almost twitching thinking about what to say. What the hell was he supposed to say to Cas who probably thought this meant they were together now? They couldn't be together because he can't be what Cas wants, not in that way.

 

  
  
"I need to um - get somethin' to eat and my heads kinda killin' me so I'm gonna need my morning coffee."

 

He could feel Cas' eyes on his back and he was probably giving him that look of confusion. He was likely trying to understand why Dean was rushing out on him. And also why he didn't want to sit there and talk.The best answer Dean could give is that he's the wrong person to love.Even though after a while that stops being a good enough excuse for someone.

 

  
"Dean, I think we need to discuss what happened last night." Cas said with a bit more agitation.

 

 

  
"No, we don't." Dean slid his boxers up his legs and got up off the bed. Instead of looking back at Cas who was clearly hurt by his behavior, he avoided it. This was such a dick move on his part but he couldn't have this conversation.

 

 

"I don't regret what happened, Dean. I need you to know that." Cas voice had a bit of a strain to it like he was trying not to cry.

 

 

Hearing that was painful enough but Dean couldn't give in. Anything he said right then would end up being more hurtful than truthful.

 

 

"I believe you I just - I don't know what to say right now that would help." Dean shrugged but still didn't bother looking back.

 

  
  
  
"I'm confused, you didn't act like this last-"

 

  
"Listen I really need a cup of coffee or my brain is gonna explode we can uh - discuss this later." Dean heard Cas get up off the bed and walk towards him.

 

 

Cas put a hand on his shoulder then forced him to turn the other way.  "Why can't we discuss this now instead of you running away?"

 

 

  
"Please just don't push me right now." Dean grumbled.

 

 

 

"Then stop being a complete ass! I know why you're scared but you can't just pretend this didn't happen."

 

 

"Damnit, Cas!" Dean snapped. "I said we'll discuss it later..okay? Okay."

  
  
  
The chance of them talking about this later without Dean dismissing everything was unlikely and that's why he was no good for Cas. He was too damaged to give himself over fully, too scared to let someone love him the way he knew Cas did.

 

 

So the whole night was a mistake, a big fucking mistake.

 

* * *

 

 

_Dean tried to stop himself from staring at the angel but he couldn't help it. All the small things that he already found attractive about Cas were even more attractive. His eyes glanced down at Cas' bright pink lips then back up to his eyes that reminded him of calm ocean waters. Why had he never tried to kiss Cas before? Oh right, it was because he was still in the closet and was scared as shit._

 

_"You're pretty." Dean blurted out. "I mean like really really pretty, have I ever told you that?"_

  
  
  
_The way Cas pretty much blushed at his words totally said to him that the compliment wasn't fucking creepy to him or weird or whatever._

 

  
_"Thank you, Dean. You're an attractive person as well."_

 

 

_Dean fluttered his eyelashes in a flirtatious manner. "Oh, you really think so?"_

 

  
  
  
_"Yes I do." Cas smiled, he looked completely oblivious to the fact that Dean was coming onto him._

 

 

 

_"Can I ask you a question?" Deans slurred his words._

 

  
_"Of course." Cas responded while sitting sideways on the bed, his trench coat had been shed thankfully._

 

  
_"Would you mind it if - if I kissed you?"Dean never expected he'd ever ask Cas that because he always thought he'd keep his feelings a secret. Plus being drunk helped him be less of a damn coward._

 

_"No, I wouldn't. Cas breathed out. "I've wanted this for a long time."_

 

 

_He got closer to the angel and looked into his eyes. For years they ignored the elephant in the room, ignored all those moments where it was obvious something was between them. They always called it a profound bond but never really elaborated on it._

 

 

_"So have I." Dean glanced down at the angels lips and pushed himself to lean in close enough for their lips to almost touch. Out of all the times he'd kissed guys before even in drunken moments he'd never really been nervous. All of a sudden Cas pressed their lips together gently which caused Dean to rest his hand behind his neck. His hand traveled towards Cas' dark brown locks._

 

 

_Somewhere in their make out session Dean had laid Cas down onto the bed and got on top of him. Their hands were fumbling along each others bodies, exploring each others muscles, almost like they were trying to memorize how the other felt. Dean tore open Cas' button up causing the buttons to fly all over the place but the angel didn't seem to care because the kiss got hungrier. It was definitely a good thing that Sammy's room wasn't super close since they were making a lot of noise._

 

_Dean pressed Cas down which felt weird only because Cas was literally a celestial being. His hand touched the angels bare chest and reached over to one of his nipples, giving it a light twist to see the reaction he'd get. The touch made Cas moan for him then buck upwards._

 

  
_"Looks like someone's eager to get it on..wow I really just said that." Dean let out a deep breath that probably reeked of booze. "We don't have to go any further tonight, Cas."_

 

  
  
_"I want you, I've always wanted you and the alcohol makes it easier to say so." Cas said with certainty._

 

  
_"There's some lube in the bedside table drawer, can you grab it?"_

 

 

  
_Cas leaned over and opened the bedside table drawer then pulled the bottle out. "May I ask why you have this in your drawer?"_

 

 

_"You can ask but I can't guarantee an answer."_

 

  
  
_They were seriously entering some deep ass waters and he didn't want to pressure Cas into anything he wasn't comfortable doing. Dean shed his black t-shirt then threw it off to the side a little more dramatically than intended._

 

  
  
_"Um, Cas, do you want me to take off your pants for you or uh -" Dean stammered, his forehead was starting to drip with sweat._

 

 

 

_"I can take them off if you need to me to." Cas responded calmly with a twinkle in his eyes. "You're nervous."_

 

 

_"Is it that easy to tell?"_

 

  
  
_"Well no, but I can feel your nervousness and it's okay, Dean. "_

 

  
  
  
_He clumsily got off Cas then waited for the angel to slide his dress pants off which he did. It wasn't weird to see Cas so exposed in front of him in an intimate setting like this but Dean never pictured they'd ever have this moment. Every time he envisioned it he wasn't as drunk as right now though he'd take whatever he could get. Dean quickly got out of his jeans and crawled back on top of Cas' half naked body._

 

 

  
_"Are you sure you want to go this far? We can just make out or whatever." Dean suggested, even though Cas already said he wanted this._

 

  
_"Yes, Dean."_

 

  
  
_"Alright."_  


_Dean's fingers were shaking as he tugged Cas' boxers down which made his dick spring free. His breath hitched when he saw the pre cum on Cas' head. Despite being nervous he wrapped his hand around Cas' then gave him a slow stroke. Dean wasn't inexperienced but the last time he'd even gotten intimate with a guy was ages ago._

 

_And this was Cas, not just random at a bar or club._

 

 

 

_After a couple of strokes Dean pressed a soft kiss on Cas' dick and flicked his tongue against the angels head. Without notice that he was going to Dean swallowed Cas right down to the base, savoring the salty taste of the pre cum. The moan that Cas let out could have broken a window and hopefully Sam didn't hear it. And that's when Dean started bobbing his head up then down._

 

 

_Dean hummed while sucking Cas off causing vibrations that clearly Cas was enjoying because his moaning was persistent. He wanted this to be special and good and something that would be stuck on loop for Cas. Often times Dean worried that he wasn't enough anyways, that it didn't matter what he did. Regardless of how much grace Cas hadhe was still a fucking angel. So why would he bother with a semi functioning alcoholic who has died several times over? Why did he even love him?_

 

 

_Dean tried to object but felt his boxers being tugged straight down his body and now he was full on naked. "Someone's eager."_

 

  
_"So are you." Cas' lips curved into a sassy smirk._

 

 

  
_"I'm still pretty drunk so if I'm sloppy then - fuck I don't know if I'm sloppy then just tell me it sucks."_

 

 

_The way Cas was looking at him said that he wished he wouldn't put himself down that much. Dean squirted some lube out of the bottle onto his hands. He lathered his dick up whether Cas needed it or not. The angel wrapped his legs around Dean's waist tightly. And then Dean started to slide inside the ring of muscle, he let out a deep guttural moan before going in all the way._

 

 

_Dean could feel Cas digging his fingertips into his sides. The sensation of being inside him and being touched by him was something else. It was almost like Cas read his mind because he smiled up at him. He pulled out then slid right back inside and repeated that motion. Since Cas seemed to want him to go faster he found a pace that worked. Soon enough Dean was pounding into the angel who was moaning just as loud as him._

 

 

_All of the aggressive tension between them was boiling right over. Dean was losing himself in Cas and damn it felt amazing. From what he could tell Cas was enjoying himself just as much. After everything they'd been through, everything had lead up to this moment. Maybe it was destiny despite how much Dean always rejected any form of destiny. Maybe for once he was able to believe in something good. Dean thought about all the times he didn't think anything good would happen. Tears started to drip down his face so he leaned forward to hide in the crook of Cas' neck._

 

 

_How damn pathetic was it that he was crying during sex but Dean's emotions were on fucking fire._

 

  
  
_"It's okay,you'll be okay." Cas said soothingly. "I love you and I meant it when I said it before in that barn."_

 

 

 

_Dean felt himself getting close to cumming and yet the only thing he was focused on were the words Cas was saying to him._

 

  
  
_"You deserve love, Dean."_

 

  
  
_And with one last rough thrust he released inside Cas who came a moment or so later, there was cum on both of them._

 

  
_"Damn."_

 

  
  
_"Yes, it's quite messy." Cas chuckled before using his grace to clean them both up._

 

  
  
_Dean's cheeks were tear stained and he just smiled at Cas before settling down in the bed. He laid facing the angel, stroking his face for a moment. "Was that good?"_

 

 

  
  
_"It was great, Dean, I enjoyed it."_

 

  
  
  
_"Good, that's real good. Uh, do you want me to stay night 'cause if not that's okay."_

 

 

_Cas shook his head, "No, you can stay."_

 

  
  
  
_"Okay, thanks." Dean smirked. "So I'm gonna try to get some sleep since I'm pretty damn tired. That okay with you? I know you like to watch me sleep."_

 

 

  
_"That's okay with me. You rest." Castiel stroked his cheek affectionately with his thumb_

  
  
  
_They laid in the bed together in comfortable silence. Dean really wanted to respond back to what Cas said to him earlier. He wanted to say that he loved him too but instead he chickened out like usual._

 

 

_Maybe he'd gather up the courage to say it back or he'd be damn stupid and keep it bottled in._

 

 

_It was like Dean finally opened the door only to close it again._

 

* * *

 

 

When Dean walked out into the main area of the bunker he didn't see Sam anywhere and started regretting how he brushed Cas off. So he turned around just so he could go tell Cas that he really didn't mean what he said earlier. That he was just being a dick.

 

  
Last night felt good and the only thing making it hard to say that was because he was sober now. Dean quickly shuffled to Cas' room to see if he was still there, hoping that he was still there.

  
  
  
He knocked on the door rapidly, "I'm sorry okay? Can you just open the door and let me explain why I was a dick?"

 

 

No answer.

 

  
  
  
"C'mon Cas." Dean wiggled the doorknob and it wasn't locked so he opened up to find that Cas wasn't there. "Fuck."

 

  
  
  
Dammit.

 

  
  
  
Now not only did he drive Cas away this time but he had no clue where he would have went, if he decided to go after Kelly and baby Lucifer or if he went back to heaven. And he'd have to explain to Sam why all of a sudden Cas was gone again.  
  
  
  
  
  
And it was all because he had to be a total asshole by not wanting to talk about what happened now that he was sober.

 

  
  
"Way to fuckin' go." Dean mumbled to himself and slammed the door of the room that everything

 

**Author's Note:**

> for us writers kudos + comments really do make our day on here so don't hesitate to leave those.
> 
>  
> 
> follow my spn/destiel side blog @ deansbiflannel


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